Late Night TV- The Last Resort When Nobody Believes You Anymore

 

It’s a dead give-away that your public opinion ratings suck if you relegate yourself to making appearances on late-night television and other talk shows to espouse your foreign policy to your constituents.

You’re the leader of the free world, and you know that you have the media at your beck and call- you just say the word and all the networks pause to broadcast what you are about to say. However, when your presidency is chalk-full of SUCK AND FAIL, not even the networks care- Which means you are demoted to scrolling through your cell phone to find friends in the media who will have you on their show. Apparently Jay Leno is game. So now that Obama is finally in front of the camera, he can bust out the “silver tongue” of his which conned us in to believing in his “Change We Can Believe In” load of crap. And attempt to regain his “cool” by being seen with genuinely cool people like Leno.

I watched the latest appearance of Obama appearing on Leno- All I heard was “Blah Blah Blah, please believe the shit that I’m shovelin.” And then I switched over to watching crazy cat tricks- now there’s some take-home value for ya!

I suppose that the presidential handlers view the talk show appearances as a positive move because they are directly addressing their target audience: The sheeple- Brain-dead zombies who believe everything they see on television, and don’t require proof of anything. And with that, I say, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

The Call of the New-World Umpire: Amp-Up!

 

With all the kerfuffle regarding performance enhancing drugs in professional sports- better known as “juicing,” many Americans are very disappointed and frustrated with their once “athletic heroes.” We are beginning to feel duped by our hero-athletes. We find ourselves wondering if these people could have possibly broken the records they took credit for had they not been using the performance enhancing drugs.

To make matters worse, the athletes who have been found guilty of such sportsman violations are having a very difficult time in accepting responsibility for their own actions. Such is the case of Lance Armstrong where an MSN Money article regarding the doping allegations states “In his efforts to ride down the lawsuit, Armstrong alleges that the Postal Service should have known he was taking performance-enhancing drugs, thanks to media coverage of the doping allegations, The Journal notes. The filing claims that USPS officials "did nothing." Well in Armstrong’s defense, I contend that the USPS should have also known of his doping because he likely ordered the drugs over the Internet and had them shipped to his home via the USPS- I mean the letter carrier should have been able to CLEARLY see that the package came from Sports Doping Authority Inc. (something like that anyway) it shoulda’ been a dead giveaway!

I propose that since it is apparent that doping has nearly become commonplace in the sports arena, I would suggest that the industry actually EMBRACE what medication and science can do with human potential and performance. Let’s go ALL IN and encourage doping of all kinds in all sports arenas- let’s see what the human body is capable of doing. “Amp-Up!” should be the call of the new-world umpire.

Athletes such as Alex Rodriguez who are making contracts of over $100 million dollars (which is an obscene thought for what he ACTUALLY does- hitting a tiny ball in a grassy playground) are becoming very commonplace. I would love to see what a bunch of “’roid-raged” athletes can achieve. It may turn the baseball stadium into a modern version of Roman gladiators- I’d pay the price of admission to see that vs. the snoozer that baseball currently is. The same should apply to all sports- just imagine the PGA on steroids, Wimbledon on steroids- that would be AWESOME!! If athletes happen to die in pursuit of their sport (better known as blood-sport at this point) well, that’s just a hazard of the profession now.  

So Lance, man-up, grab your balls- er I mean BALL, hit up your bud A-Rod, have the USPS drop-off a jumbo pack of “’Roids” and revamp the sports industry into the raged-out blood sport that we all want anyway.

 

A Telling Sign That The “Mainstream Media” Should Now Be Referred To As The “LAMESTREAM MEDIA”

 

The image above is a screen shot of my local leading news channel web page. Even after the 10 o’clock news has aired, the number TWO story of the day is that sand dunes somewhere “Behind Effing Egypt” or something, is about to overcome a set used in the making of one of the StarWars movies.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Are you serious? No way! Yeah, I’m just as shocked- THAT THIS IS EVEN NEWS AT ALL, let-alone the second most important news item in Salt Lake City! According to the Associated Press article (should be more aptly referred to as the “Ass-Press”), over 100 thousand LOOSERS venture out to this God-forsaken barren wasteland each year to get their rocks off (in this instance- grains of sand), by visiting a movie set. Hell you woulda’ thought that George Lucas had build a freaken’ pyramid to rival Giza! But nope, just a measly, movie set that I’m sure he spent a fair amount of money to have built, and then bilked the suckers who pilgrimage to bask in its….hell I don’t know what they get from the experience- because I’m not a freakin’ dweebe! Nonetheless, George Lucas is laughing all the way to the bank from the proceeds of these morons. I just hope they brought some serious sunscreen!

Apparently this over-sized Star Wars play set is in danger of being overcome by a fast-moving sand dune. It’s been proposed that the set be moved. Maybe if George Lucas set up a Kool Aid party (reminiscent of JimJones) when these 100 thousand highly fascinating individuals show up, it will be the last such news story about such a stupid subject.

Snowden’s To-Do List While in Russia

Make a beeline straight to the Kremlin- and hide

Take a shower! (6 weeks in an airport- ew!)

Grab a bottle of top-shelf Russian vodka- and have 7 or 8 shots!

Call the Russian mob and ask them to be your body guards for the next year

Score hot Russian girlfriend by using the line: I just pissed-off the leader of the free world- I heard women like dangerous men- let’s do dinner.

Get job at McDonalds in Moscow, replace lame Happy Meal toy with NSA spying secrets

Start new MySpace page to reveal all that he has learned about the NSA- it’s totally secure- no one will EVER think to go there.

Get a t-shirt printed that says: Don’t Stand Near Me, I’m Being Filmed

Using his NSA information, every time he logs on to surf Internet porn, he changes his IP address to that of Janet Napolitano.

Drunk text Obama a photo of him flippin’ the bird with a caption that reads: And that’s how we roll in the 011-7-495 Yo!

 

Snowden Has Left the Building

 

Well there ya have it folks, the U.S. government is “extremely disappointed” that Russia allowed Edward Snowden temporary asylum for one year. According to reports, Snowden’s attorney put him in a cab, and off he went to live and work anywhere in Russia he wants for one year.

The U.S. is upset because they were not informed in advance of Russia’s decision. I suppose Russia should have done the gentlemanly thing and given the U.S. a few hours notice that Snowden was given asylum and would be leaving soon so that U.S. agents could surround the airport and reel Snowden in.

Senator John McCain said in a statement “Russia’s action today is a disgrace and a deliberate effort to embarrass. It’s a slap in the face of all Americans.” McCain is now calling for the U.S. to fundamentally rethink its relations with Russian President Putin.

Hey McCain, I don’t feel slapped in the face- neither do vast number of Americans who are glad that Snowden handed your lying asses to the American public on a platter. Call him a traitor all you want- but isn’t that what the American Founding Fathers were considered during the Revolutionary War? We should all thank God that our founding fathers had the balls to break the law for the better good. And now you want to string Snowden up as a traitor? Perhaps there are throngs of Americans THRILLED that he broke the law for the greater good.
 
Mr. McCain, when exactly was the U.S. Government planning on letting us know that the NSA had been recording EVERYTHING and spying on innocent Americans for over 20 years? Oh yeah, that date was going to be the day after NEVER! Which I might add, the NSA and U.S. government took a big steamy dump on all of our Fourth Amendment rights and hid behind the guise of “plausible deniability.” Yes there are movies out which depicts exactly what is going on- but that’s just Hollywood they say. Your government would never do such a thing to its own citizens.

 Now that the patriot, Edward Snowden, has in essence woken up a whole lot of sleeping people, and it’s known as fact that everything we do is being monitored and recorded, the government is seriously trippin’. Rumors are now flying that what Snowden has leaked will enable terrorist and seriously jeopardize national security. In reality, what the government is doing is breathing a huge sigh of relief that now they have a very believable cover story for the next 9-11 scale of false flag attacks committed against America. Blame it on Snowden! (Hell it worked when we did the same thing to Bin Laden.)

And again I’m thankful that, for now, I have a First Amendment right to even publish such opinions.

MTV- 32 Years of Everything but Music Television [EXPLICIT]

 

Remember when The Buggles changed the world when they were first aired on MTV on August 1, 1981 with Video Killed the Radio Star? Well back then, I was nine years old and my parents didn’t have cable TV so I missed out on that epic moment in history.

Thanks to the genius of YouTube, it acts as a bit of a time machine, we can all go back now at that moment and re-live it in all its grandeur.

Fast forward 32 years, but first make a pit-stop at the year 1992 and slap the hell out of the MTV execs who signed off on this train wreck called “reality TV” which began with The Real World (real world-MY ASS!)

We can now clearly document the demise of American society and thought (or lack thereof) chronologically with the lame shit that MTV broadcasts.

To wit:

The Real World

MADE

Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory

Pranked

16 and Pregnant

World of Jenks

Ridiculousness

Friendzone

Snookie & JWoww

Catfish: The TV Show

MTV Cribs

Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life

Prior to MTV not airing music videos any longer, there were throngs of American youth who wanted to be the next rock star. Now we have young girls getting pregnant just to be on TV- what the hell is this world coming to?

MTV has done a FANTASTIC job at turning the American hope for a brighter future (i.e. our children) into a throng of fucking morons- literally, because that’s what they’re doing- fucking.

Parents are also to blame in this catastrophe of the American psyche because ultimately, discipline begins in the home with the parents. The unfortunate and tragic thing though, is the “sneak attack” that occurred in 1992 with the advent of reality TV. Back then, we thought The Real World was amusing and cutting edge television. Those who were teenagers in 1992 are now starting to have families of their own and think nothing of their kids idolizing the likes of Snookie.  

Within one generation MTV has spawned the death of America as we knew it and has produced a nation of zombies- and with that, we wish you, MTV, a very happy birthday- I can hardly wait to see what the next 32 years has in store for us! (God help us all).

Filner Would Like to Feel-More And Get Away With it on The Tax Payers Dime

 

What the hell is going on with politicians these days anyway? And- I’m sensing a particular pattern.... You have your Filner, Spitzer, and Weiner- hell these three should start their own gentlemen’s club- and get paid for what they do best- because it sure as hell isn’t politics! All three of these douche bags have sexual connotations in their last names- go figure they are all busted on sexual misconduct.

Now we have the San Diego 7. The seven women who have come forward with making similar allegations against Feel-more er’ I mean Filner, and who do we have running to these women’s rescue but the train wreck chasin’ ne’er-do-gooder, Gloria Allred! Yay Gloria is milking that spotlight again! I find it interesting how her name is often dropped at the beginning of these cases, and then you never hear a word about or from her again- until the next public train wreck!

And now the clincher- Filner wants the tax payers to pick up the tab on his legal defense. How about Filner pick up his panties [that will be a change for him] and make the first moral decision [probably of his life] and just step-down and admit that he’s an asshole!

Now what’s with Filner saying he needs to go to “intensive therapy” for two weeks to work on his issues? I think that’s political speak of saying I need to get the hell outta town for a while so that this can blow over! Where did he find such therapy anyway? Probably in the phone book under “D” for Douche Bag Therapy for Douche Bags (yes I just wanted to say douche bag a lot in this article).

Now when the “made for TV” movie comes out on this (and I’m sure that the Lifetime Network AKA THE MEN SUCK NETWORK is working on the script as I type this.) Please let them cast Philip Baker Hall as Filner!